Family Leadership

Throughout the history of the world, human nature really hasn’t changed. It is common for mankind to want love, peace and freedom, and yet to behave in ways that manifest hate, war and bondage. The difference between what is expected and what is received comes about by ones ability to recognize and follow true principles. When one chooses to apply principles, his life will be marked by truth and reason not by whims, fads or opinion.

One might argue that we are made happy through obedience to rules. While this is true, it is impossible to have a rule for every situation in life. For instance, if we are guided by the principle of honesty, then we really don’t need to have rules about lying, stealing, cheating, misleading, or other fraudulent behavior because the honest person will not engage in this activity.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom.

As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.”

This is a true statement. We do not need extensive laws; we just need to follow virtuous principles. As a people, we should be willing to do what is right even when it’s not convenient or when we simply don’t feel like it.

Where do these truths come from? I am convinced that God designates them. Some are innate: given to us by our creator and part of our very nature. Others must be learned, either from communication with God by way His servants, or through our own personal revelation.

I believe that some of the most important principles that will help us to build a happy family life are the principles of allegiance, stewardship, respect, hard work, and obedience. Allegiance is of primary importance. We can put our allegiance into only 4 things: God, others, self, or evil. Obviously when our allegiance is toward evil no happiness will be established – family or otherwise. We might think of self-allegiance as a commitment to self-improvement, but that is incorrect. Allegiance to self is about power and control. It is an attitude of doing things “my way” or the “high way”. This person is the ruler or the dictator: the Hitler or the Mao of the family. Just as in history, often when a person has an allegiance to self, it can turn into an allegiance to evil. Standards are broken and rules bent in order for the selfish person to get what they desire. Truth no longer matters. While it is good to think of others, to have an allegiance to others is not. Placing our allegiance in others, means that we quit thinking for ourselves and doing what we know to be right and true. We do things to please others, not for correctness. The only place that our allegiance can rightly belong is in God. This is true for family life as well as for each individual. By placing our allegiance in God, we are constantly in the mode of searching for the noble and upright qualities of life and in all relationships. We discipline ourselves: our habits, our thoughts and our actions. We long to help and serve others and we have a desire to nurture and maintain loving family ties and to raise our children in righteousness. Only when our allegiance is placed in God, can we establish and maintain strong and loving family relationships.

Stewardship is the next most important principle in family life. Each of us has stewardship over many things: physical body, mental and spiritual health, education, parental responsibilities, husband and wife relationships, and care of children. When these basic stewardships are neglected, family life suffers. When husbands and wives become overcommitted, it is difficult to nurture that relationship and a poor marital bond will have disastrous effect upon the family. Likewise, parents have stewardship for their children and children have a responsibility to make the entire family function properly. Each person has individual stewardships as well. For instance, if one member is not being a proper steward over his or her physical health, it will have an impact on everyone else too. An over-tired, stressed, or out of shape and unhealthy individual will negatively affect the entire family. God expects us to be wise stewards over our lives and will help us to develop the skills and abilities necessary to accomplish that. “Thou shalt be diligent in preserving what thou hast, that thou mayest be a wise steward; for it is the free gift of the Lord thy God, and thou art His steward.” Doctrine and Covenants 136:27

Respect is often missing in today’s society. One only has to flip on a television set to catch a barrage of rude, lewd, and condescending behavior. It’s not just in this world of make believed that we observe this behavior; unfortunately, this is a reflection of reality. Men have forgotten how to be gentlemen, women gush with vulgar speech and insulting words and children sass and back bite. Gone are the days when rules of civility in society helped to strengthen a family, the community and the nation. In this high-tech and fast paced world, each of us must remember the seemingly old-fashioned Golden Rule. Offering respect to one another relieves stress, buoys spirits, calms the troubled heart, and strengthens relationships.

Remember the days of working together on the farm? Most of us have not enjoyed that experience, but have only participated through books and the writings of others. On the farm, everyone had a responsibility to fulfill. When the children didn’t gather the eggs, there was no breakfast; when father didn’t plow, there was no harvest and the family starved; when mother didn’t mend and cook and clean, the family suffered. Everyone felt the success or neglect of work. Nowadays, hard work is just as essential, but more challenging to understand its value. As we have moved away from an agrarian culture, individual families no longer gather eggs, plow fields, or sew clothes, and yet we still reap the benefit from someone’s effort. Nonetheless, hard work is essential to harmonious family life. Work builds character, develops discipline, creates skills and abilities, provides feelings of success, and builds common interest among family members. We have been warned that idleness is the Devil’s tool. Those who become idle develop habits of laziness and slothfulness. Work is required only of others and life becomes a perpetual round of play and entertainment for them. When following this course, the soul can never really be satisfied, for amusement is limited. One places all happiness on things and merriment. These are not the lasting matters that satisfy the innate soul.

Lastly, obedience is crucial to happy family life. With allegiance comes obedience to God. When we choose to be obedient to His laws then we are able to side-step many of the pitfalls in life. We won’t get caught up in destructive behaviors that tear apart marriages and break up families. When we choose to be obedient to the will of God, then our time is spent in a productive and serviceable manner. We are concerned for the wellbeing of our spouse, our children, extended family members, neighbors, and our friends. Our sphere extends beyond ourselves and seeks to aid and support those close to us. Obedience is first learned in the home. When children learn to be obedient to parents, they are more likely to grow up and be obedient to the laws of the land and to God. Obedience is not blind, but is a conscientious choice to give your will to one in authority: children to parents, humanity to God.

True principles are the foundation for effective family leadership. It is imperative that we, both as parents and children, learn to govern ourselves and our families on a foundation of truth. When we are governed by principles, we don’t have a need for masters, we control our thoughts, discipline our habits, develop our skills, and build sound relationships.